


Please Stay

by Coldfeetonthekitchenfloor



Category: PLL - Fandom, Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Angst, Apartment, Babies, Book - Freeform, Cute, Dreams, F/M, Fluff, Gatsby Quote, I Love You, Love, Nightmares, PLL, Pretty Little Liars - Freeform, Sad, Ship, Snow, Stay, Winter, always love, please, scared, sleepy Ezria, together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 14:32:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3329690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldfeetonthekitchenfloor/pseuds/Coldfeetonthekitchenfloor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry." He says softly and it's laced with so much emotion that his voice doesn't even sound like his own.<br/>"I know." She says, raw honesty. </p><p>He reaches between their bodies and finds one of her hands, lacing his fingers with hers.<br/>"If I could go back, I'd-"<br/>"You can't repeat the past, Ezra." </p><p>And only Aria would quote Fitzgerald at him in the middle of the night.</p><p>***</p><p>Her hair is straight today, the chocolate brown strands falling into her eyes when she looks down and he doesn't remember counting that many shades of brown in it before. He tries not to look for too long but he knows he's screwed when she catches his gaze and that warm shade of light brown turns to honey when the light hits them and he's melting, melting in the snow, melting in the middle of winter, melting in her eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Stay

Sometimes Ezra's life has moments that feel like he's just stepped into one of the novels that live on his shelf. He's drowning in the words that surround him, living in a story that isn't his own. Then he gets a moment like this and he tries to take in every detail of it. To soak in every word that passes her lips, to remember the way her laugh vibrates around the room, to keep hold of the image of her right here in his apartment. 

The snow falls lightly behind the closed windows, covering Rosewood in a layer of white coldness and it only makes inside feel warmer, cosier, brighter. He suspects that that's only because she is beside him. She always manages to do that, make him feel warmer. The steam rises from the two cups of hot chocolate on the coffee table in between the mess of cards and board games.

He doesn't quite believe that she's here, that she's really seated not even a meter in front of him. He can't keep his eyes off of her. Her hair is straight today, the chocolate brown strands falling into her eyes when she looks down and he doesn't remember counting that many shades of brown in it before. He tries not to look for too long but he knows he's screwed when she catches his eyes and that warm shade of light brown turns to honey when the light hits them and he's melting, melting in the snow, melting in the middle of winter, melting in her eyes. 

Aria squints in this mischievous way, looking at him with one eyebrow raised and he knows he's lost before she even puts the card on the table. She smiles and his breath catches in his throat. His arms twitch and his head is smouldering with the need to be close to her, to touch her, to hold her. 

"Gin."  
"How are you so freakishly good at this?"  
"I'm not, you're just freakishly bad."

And then he's pushing her away before he loses his grip on the control that is holding him back from her. He says that he is tired and he's just broken the promise that he made to himself, he lied to her again. Rejection flashes across her eyes and he flinches at the thought that he put that there. But then she's asking to stay and Ezra is stunned into silence. He knows he should say no but he's never been able to refuse her when she gives him that look. This whole night has been so much more than he deserves and he doesn't want to do anything to ever hurt her again.   
His thoughts cloud and In his daze he nods, gesturing to the blanket on the top of the couch before standing and trying not to show the hope that shivers through his body. After all hope breeds eternal misery, doesn't it? He moves to the basket full of clean clothes that had been sitting on the kitchen table and it's a risk but he can't stop himself. 

"This is the one you liked right?" And he holds out that old fraying yellow Hollis shirt of his. He didn't mean for the words to come out as sure as they did and his outstretched hand almost trembles with worried uncertainty. He smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way but he can tell it looks more like a grimace and he hates but loves the effect that Aria always has on him. He's nervous and it's like the first day they met again but worse. 

Aria's eyes fall upon it and there's a long moment where he watches her battle with the inside of herself, head over heart. Her eyes flicker up to his and he can see that rawness that she used to let him see. That pure emotion that she wasn't afraid to show him back when...well before she found out about the book. 

"Oh. Yeah, thanks." She takes the shirt from him and takes a breath, holding it against herself. It smells like a mixture of books and coffee and well, him. She still hasn't taken her eyes off of him and when he breaks the eye contact, looking at the floor with this sad sort of unease, she snaps out of it. The moment passes and she pushes the shirt back into his hands.  
"You know what, I'm fine I'm just gonna go home." And her guard snaps back into place, that hard exterior building back up to protect herself from getting hurt. Ezra kicks himself for forgetting how fragile she really is. 

His heart sinks because she's so close yet so far away and as his mouth says goodnight his heart begs for her to stay. He just wants her to stay. He hadn't soaked up enough of her to be able to sleep properly through the night. It's the pause at the doorway that gets him. He'd resigned to letting her leave but she stops and turns, her hand on the door knob. She turns and its those eyes, it's always her eyes. They stare straight through him burning into his skin before narrowing in indecision as she sighs and then continues out the door. 

Ezra's eyes squeeze shut as he lets her go without a fight. That look just won't leave his mind, he'd seen it countless times, always before she walked out on him but this time it's different. He thinks of the "would you mind if I stayed here?" and the "I don't want to go home to an empty house" and he remembers the countless times that he'd held her whilst she slept because she felt 100 times safer in his arms then she ever did in her own bed. And then he realises what that look means. It's a test, it's a last minute check, it's an insecurity. It's a question of "Are you just going to let me go?" It's a wondering thought whether he really wants her or not and this time he's not going to let her go. This time he's going to show her that he wants her, he's going to step up and fight for her.

It's a good minute before he moves, a split second decision that has him shuffling quickly out of the door, hurrying down the stairs and into the cold winter night with not even so much as a pair of shoes. He hobbles down the street wincing as his movement pulls at his scar. The pavement is ice beneath his bare skin, snow falls in his hair and his clothes and sticks in his eyelashes. He doesn't remember the last time he saw snow but he can't find any beauty in it when she isn't there beside him. His chest rises and falls rapidly with effort and his feet crunch on the icy ground as he jogs down the road, sighing in relief when he spots the girl he's in love with a couple of metres in front of him. He's out of breath by the time he's close enough but he sucks in enough of the bitterly cold air to call her name. 

"Aria!" It rolls off of his tongue as easy as it had in the bar that day. Aria turns and confusion crosses her face as her eyes take in his heaving body. She hurries over and the confusion turns to concern but he waves it off as his face contorts with emotion and he finally lets her see that even if he doesn't show it, he needs her just as much as she needs him. The freezing air numbs his fingers and he can't stop himself from shivering. His breaths fog out into clouds in front of him. His heart races and it feels so fragile but heavy, his chest is breaking.   
"Please stay." He murmurs. And he tries to say more than that with his eyes in case his words scare her away. 

***  
He sits on the edge of the bed, slowly letting the warmth creep back into his feet like pins and needles, almost like stepping on glass, but less avoidable. He'd never liked the winter and the girl with summer in her eyes hadn't helped that.  
The room turns to moonlight and shadows and there's this indescribable feeling in the pit of his stomach at the uncertainity that this could be the last night she ever spends in it. He doesn't feel warm anymore. 

The bathroom door opens a moment later and Aria watches him for a few seconds, watches the tremors from the cold run through his body before she quietly walks over to where he sits. Her socked feet make gentle thuds on the carpet and his yellow shirt is big on her small frame, falling mid thigh and there's that unknown feeling again. 

She cautiously stands between his legs and he looses his breath when looks up at her. The moonlight shines in from the wall in his apartment that is mostly just one huge window and it shines on her face like a searchlight. Illuminating her in this pale glow that turns her eyes a golden honey. He hates the moonlight, it always seemed to be able to touch her more than he ever could. Her eyes melt away the coldness in his own pale blue ones and he doesn't understand how just being this close to her manages to light a fire in his heart. She's close enough that he can feel her warmth radiating off of her. 

He doesn't know if this is her forgiving him or if this is just a one off because he knows that his hole filled apology isn't enough to fix what he has done. Aria can tell that he hasn't slept properly in weeks, she can see it in the way his eyes look battle-worn, tired. She brushes back the hair from his eyes with tentative fingers and he wishes that they held more intention. He shuts his eyes, looking back at his lap, waiting for her to pull away from him. Her fingers move softly to his chin and then tilt his face back up. He opens his eyes and suddenly a warmth spreads through his cold body.  
Aria bends down, there's inches between them and he's scared to breath but there's this invisible pull in her eyes, forcing him to lean forward the slightest bit. Their foreheads touch and he can't look away, he's captivated by the love in her eyes. It makes him want to cry in heartbreaking relief but despite it all he can still feel her uncertainty. He holds himself still, doesn't move any closer, just breathes in as he marvels in the feel of her head against his, in the feel of her hand now at the back of his neck, rising goosebumps on his skin beneath her fingertips like brail. 

Then her head slowly tilts and the seconds slow down to nothing and there's a moment where there's no sound, no outside world, no snow, no A, no apartment 3B, just Aria. Her lips brush his and it's striking matches in winter. Heat sparks through him and he uses all the strength he has to restrain himself from pulling her closer. She pulls back slowly, reaching up and tracing her lips where his had just been and then she sighs.  
"I can't ever stay away from you." She whispers through the dark and it sounds almost too loud in the quiet room.   
"You don't have to sleep on the couch." He whispers back and she studies him, searching his eyes with her own. "You can stay on your side," he panics, hesitates. "I mean, this side." He corrects, patting the bed beside him.  
"Ok." she nods.

***

It's the rustle of the duvet that stirs him awake rather than the movement in the bed beside him. Even in the dark he can see the way her body writhes between the sheets, hear her gasping breaths and it takes his sleepy mind a moment to realise what is going on. 

"Aria," he murmurs softly, reaching across to nudge her gently. There's no reaction so he speaks louder, shaking her carefully. "Aria?" And then again even louder. "Aria!" She jumps at the sound of her name, her eyes flickering open, her body stilling other than the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. 

Her eyes flit about his face, wide in fear, searching for safety, for something familiar. And he knows it's wrong and he knows he shouldn't but he can't lie here when she's like this and not do anything. He moves his body closer, shifting so that his head is on her pillow, the moonlight illuminates her face and he can see the warm coppery yellow of her eyes. He cautiously reaches out a hand, he almost takes it back but doesn't, and pushes back the strands of dark hair from her face. It's a careful movement, no lingering touch. He doesn't know where he stands and the fact that she even trusts him enough to want to stay with him is something. The wind has picked up outside and the warmth of the bed puts a blanket of safety around them. At least the coldness can't get her.

A shaky breath escapes her mouth and she shuts her eyes at his touch but a tear still manages to leak out and roll down one cheek and if there's one sight he cannot handle it is to see Aria cry. Ezra knows exactly what is going on and his heart throbs at the thought that she's been going through this alone for months.

"Still having nightmares?" He asks and the deep softness of his voice puts a blanket of calm over her. Her eyes open at that and she nods as her eyes spill over again.  
"Yeah." She breathes and he hates it because she sounds so vulnerable, so defenceless and he hasn't seen her like this in months.  
"Want to talk about it?" His voice is a velvety smoothness that washes over her but she shakes her head.   
"It's the same as always." And he knows what that means. He doesn't say anything else for a long moment and watches as her eyes search for something in his blue ones. She doesn't seem to find what she's looking for and takes a deep breath, trying to control the grief that wracks her body. She hasn't stopped shaking and that's when Ezra can't take it anymore. 

"Can I....?" He starts but trails off with absolutely no idea if he deserves that, If she'd let him. Aria catches the way his arms twitch and she knows, she just knows.  
"Please." She murmurs and it's so quiet that he almost misses it but it's there and then Aria's shuffling closer and he lets himself go. His arms find her tiny frame and pull her close against his chest, he can feel her heart hammering against her ribs and his arms press her tightly against him, holding her there. His mind screams with relief and his body can't get enough of her, he can't hold her quite tight enough to him. 

Her hands grip the front of his shirt, keeping him from changing his mind and when another shaky breath falls from her lips he bends his head down and kisses the top of her head, whispering that everything was ok, that he wouldn't let anything hurt her. He physically feels the way her body relaxes, the way her breathing slows, the way she seems to melt into him and that burning need to hold her is finally being fulfilled. Nobody has ever fit into his arms the way that she does and he can't help but feel that she was made for him.

"Ezra." Aria murmurs and it's always a whimper. Ezra shuts his eyes at the brokenness in her voice.  
"I'm sorry." He says softly and it's laced with so much emotion that his voice doesn't even sound like his own.   
"I know." She says and it's raw honesty. He reaches between their bodies and finds one of her hands, he laces his fingers with hers and she holds it tight.  
"If I could go back, I'd-"  
"You can't repeat the past, Ezra." And only Aria would quote Fitzgerald at him in the middle of the night. He finds himself wondering once again how she fits so much personality, so much character into her small self. His heart jumps and he loves her so much that it hurts.  
There's silence for such a long moment that he's not sure whether she's still awake. He waits so that it's been long enough that she might be asleep and that if she wasn't, she could pretend that she was, before he speaks.  
"I love you Aria Montgomery." He whispers. He falls asleep before long but he doesn't let her go, he knows the only way to keep the dreams away is to keep her pressed against his body. If he'd concentrated enough he would have felt a reply to his statement in the form of her heart which beat rapidly when she heard him utter those three words because as she'd told him before, she still loved him as much as she always had.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! :) This is my first pll fic and it's just a short Ezria Oneshot but this idea wouldn't leave me alone since I saw episode 5X4 and this is how I think it should have gone because lets be honest Ezra needs to fight for Aria sometimes. It's not the best and I'll probably come back and re-edit this later. Anyway thanks for reading :)


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